Saint Alicia
by ClawOfGlory
Summary: "I'm no saint," Alicia deflects. "I know or else we wouldn't be here," Kalinda answers plainly. Alicia/Kalinda begins during 2x9, hints of Alicia/Will
1. The begining

A/N: disclaimer not my characters. And don't own the beginning and ending dialogue taken from ep 2x9. I will continue this as I continue my rewatch. Currently writing the next chapter, will update soon.

* * *

"I think I need to take a breath," Alicia sighs.

"You know, you've been different lately," Kalinda states

"I've been different," Alicia states emotionally drained.

"Yeah," Kalinda confirms.

"It's prob-" Alicia begins, hesitating, licking her lips. "One second," she excuses herself soon returning with two beers to find Kalinda laying propped up on her bed. "Life has been playing tricks on me lately and I think it's best not to take it seriously," Alicia ponders, followed by a large swig.

"Is this about work or is this about Will?"

"Shhhh. Not so loud," Alicia hisses paranoid.

Kalinda gets up from the beside Alicia and locks the door and turns on the tv for ambient noise. "Better? You should talk to him. You seem sexually frustrated," Kalinda states dryly.

"I'm not-" Alicia begins.

Kalinda interrupts, "I see this going one of three ways if you don't talk to him," as she begins to wander about the room looking though Alicia's things. "One: you can't take it anymore and decide to take him in the bathroom in the middle of the workday. Two: you use Peter surprising him by your *sudden* interest and he wonders if you want to be together. Or three: you have sex with me now."

Alicia chokes on her beer not expecting the last part. "Is that an offer?" she scoffs.

"Only if you want it to be," Kalinda replies coily with a wink.

"I don't ever want to play poker with you," Alicia states unsure of how much of this is purely a game.

"I only play strip poker. And you'd lose. I bet Saint Alicia never even kissed a women." she says not stopping her rumaging though Alicia's things.

"I'm no saint," Alicia deflects.

"I know or else we wouldn't be here," Kalinda answers plainly.

"Here?" Alicia asks.

"Here," Kalinda replies startling Alicia as she straddles her on the bed causing Alicia to draw a short sharp breath, Kalinda's skirt rising up just below her hips as she begins to rock ever so slowly. "May I?" Kalinda asks gesturing towards Alicia's button down shirt.

"Go right ahead," Alicia says not wanting to give in, by Kalinda the satisfaction of winning this hand. Still unsure of how far this is heading and if she wants that as she begins to feel excited and scared.

Kalinda slowly unbuttons Alicia's top, her fingers lingering upon her skin. "A white bra you really are Saint Alicia," she proclaims.

"Well, I'm a mother," Alicia defends.

"You say that as if it is some kind of proof that you are wholesome. When I just see it as living proof that you've had sex,"Kalinda retorts causing Alicia to chuckle.

"Okay then, what color is you bra?" Alicia asks incredulously.

"I don't know let's see," Kalinda replies as she pulls off her shirt.

"And what does a black bra mean?" Alicia asks voice dripping with sarcasm and maybe something else.

"I'd say it means that I'm not against kissing a married woman, while her husband is in the next room," Kalinda says leaning down pressing her lips into Alicia's, eliciting a small gasp. Alicia's response slow and timid quickly becomes deeper as hands wander freely. gripping. clutching. moaning as Kallinda grinds into her harder, faster. Kalinda plays with the hemp of Alicia's pants teasing her until Alicia guides her hand towards the button, kissing back fiercely. "Is this what you want?" Kalinda asks as she strokes. "Mmm yes" Alicia moans arching toward Kalinda's hand, unable to be cognizant or unsure anymore.

* * *

Kalinda's phone rings and she leans over with her other hand to check it. "The good doctor should be landing soon." Kalinda says as she pulls herself up from the bed, causing Alicia to flinch as she pulls her hand away. "Good talking with you," Kalinda replies professionally as she puts her shirt back on. "Talk to Will," she adds earnestly.

* * *

Over the phone later  
Alicia: Will?  
Will: Yeah.  
Alicia: Could we talk sometime?  
Will: We can talk anytime.  
Alicia: No, I mean We need a moment. Just a moment when things don't seem so all over the place.  
Will: Okay, that's probably not now.

* * *

A/N: if this seemed rushed and ooc, just wait and we will get some backstory that led up to this point.


	2. The ending

A/N takes place during 2x21-22 some nearly cannon dialogue pieces inserted for clarity because not everyone is rewatching now but interspersed with more K/A. Sorry if it feels forced saying Alicia and Kalinda all the time, but my pet peeve is when I get confused who says/does what because of too many "she"s without reference. #femslashproblems

* * *

Alicia sees Kalinda in her office her thoughts race to past conversations loudly ringing in her ears.

Wiley saying who slept with Peter: "Leela. But she doesn't exist. Unless you know her."

Her own voice echoing, "You slept with my best friend!"

Kalinda admitting ruefully, "I wish I knew you then."

Peter defending, "She didn't know you then."

When Kalinda acts as if nothing has changed, trying to be her friend Alicia looses it. "No, you don't explain anything. You do not put a single thing in context. You slept with my husband. You do not say anything after that. You do not. It is selfish to say anything after that." Full of hurt and anger, on the verge of crying "I work here and you work here, but that's it. When you can find another case, do it. When you can walk the other way, do. Now get out of my are so many people who can see us right now, but I swear I will scream at the top of my lungs if you don't get out of my office now."

Kalinda walks swiftly out, calm to the elevator where her icey cold emotional distant personality fails her as she sobs alone in the empty elevator. Overcome with the emotion of loosing probably the only person in her life she really cared about and trusted. The only person she wasn't just using.

* * *

Their client with the adultery website gets under Alicia's skin- talking about cheating and openness. Temping her. "Aren't there men you look at, and you just watch them? In a Starbucks line, opening a door, tying their shoes. And you just wanna grab their hand and slide it up the small of your back? Or feel the touch of someone else's lips on your skin? The taste of someone else's tongue? The pleasure of someone else's orgasm? Don't you want that? "

"I have to go", Alicia excuses herself, overcome with thoughts sex with other people, tainted with her feelings about the information she recently learned and her hurt and her anger and so many emotions she cannot name. She doesn't want to be a hypocrite, but Peter deserves no such loyalty. She should just dress herself up and show up unannounced at Will's and finally act upon her feelings. She doesn't want to be like how she is, predictable goody two shoes. She wants to finally take what she wants and stop getting taken advantage of. She should listen to Owen more.

* * *

Kalinda makes plans to leave. She tells Will "When I'm done I'm done." She can't stand having to see Alicia and not being involved with her personally. She can't deal with the emotional wall- even though that's all Kalinda's ever made her life to be with everyone- everyone but not with Alicia. Alicia always was a sore spot; Blake got that right. Memories flood back of smashing his car when he even hinted any of her past to Alicia. She just wanted to protect Alicia from her past. But you can't love someone and control them at the same time. Protection isn't love, honesty is. Even when she knew this was getting exposed she still couldn't force herself to say anything, she didn't want to ruin what she had with Alicia. Would Saint Alicia really have forgiven her had she told her first? She doubted it, she just wanted to prolong Alicia being in her life. She just wanted one more moment. Always one more.

If she can't have Alicia in her life, she at least wants her to have somebody, someone like Will. Saint Alicia wouldn't initiate anything with him on her own, even in her vulnerable state. She still cares for Alicia even if Alicia hates her. She owes her at least that small token of penance. She doesn't want her to be hurting alone. She take it all back for her. If only she could

Kalinda asks Will what he wants from life. He jokes, deflecting the conversation from going anywhere serious. "What do I want? I don't know. Suddenly this is about me?"

"Do you want the same things as Alicia?" Kalinda prods.

"Alicia? I don't know." He begins honestly, but the mood shifts- full of excuses when she brings up the subject. "There are too many issues." "There's a vast difference between us."

"She separated from Peter." Kalinda adds by telling him it's not public knowledge. Leaving Will alone with his thoughts.

* * *

Alicia is on edge of a spiral- fighting lashing out at everyone. Dressing up for work to get attention from Will- just Will she says. And when Jackie threatens that Peter will get custody. She corned bluntly "He banged a hooker 18 times." And when told "You're awful," replied "You don't know the half of it." Alicia is done with bullshit. She's done living for everyone else- playing nice- being Saint Alicia.

* * *

Will offers "If you ever want to talk?... I'm here." Eye contact lingering long pauses. Tension. He asked if I'm okay does he know? Alicia begins to ponder these thoughts, but not for long.

Work forces her to be alone in the same room with Kalinda it makes her blood boil.

Kalinda asks" You want me to get someone else to brief you?" after Alicia seems uncooperative.

"You mean someone who hasn't slept with my husband?" Alicia swipes.

"Yes you're in pain Alicia. I hurt you." Kalinda admits "Now, do you wanna know the facts?"

"Of what?" Alicia asks feigning ignorance.

"I slept with him once." Kalinda begins" Now, I do that. It means nothing to me, but I do that. Look, Alicia, I didn't know you. I had never even seen a picture of you. To me, you were just a housewife. Then I met you and I liked you. I liked working with you. I liked talking with you. I liked being with you. I felt bad. I don't like feeling bad."

"Every step of the way, you just looked at me. And you knew?" she asks.

"Yes," Kalinda replies knowing honesty is best. There's nothing to protect Alicia from anymore.

"And I'm an idiot." Alicia begins her tirade "I never once thought that you were my friend out of some guilt. Out of some guilty welfare for poor little me. Oh God is that you slept with me? for what? To make it even somehow. Prove I'm no better. Catch me up in some stupid hypocrisy scheme-"

"That's not why," Kalinda answers "I don't have friends, Alicia. You were a friend."

"And you lied to me." Alicia calls her out, "You said, 'That's not true,' about being with him."

"Yes. I'm sorry." Kalinda admits with nothing left to explain or excuse.

"Oh, okay, thanks. Oh, now that we've cleared that up." Alicia dances about her true feelings unable to take in anything Kalinda has to say.

"- I'm not explaining to-" Kalinda begins the end thought referring to absolution.

"How was my husband? Was he good?" Alicia fights.

"I'm-I found another job, and I'm leaving next week," Kalinda says done with the conversation. Unable to talk to someone hurting so deeply. Because that's the issue it wasn't just one person who betrayed her it was two.

"Good." Alicia comments as Kalinda leaves, wanting nothing more than to never see her again.

When Kalinda gets back to her office she angrily shoves everything on the floor. Anger about hurting her so deeply unable to change the past. She really does wish she knew her back then. Maybe things would have turned out different.

* * *

When it turns out their client's open marriage was a sham that he got jealous, Alicia feels vilified yet unsatisfied.

* * *

A/N: I know chapter is called the ending, but it's not the end of my story. working on chapter 3. R&R


	3. Where do we go?

**A/N:** Takes place during: 2x22 - 3x1. mostly filler chap. sorry.

* * *

When Kalinda's new job turns out to be with Peter Florrick the only thing left to do is laugh at the irony. She tells Will she's not leaving, to which he asked was this about Alicia, and Kalinda leaves the question unanswered like a politician by just stating a different but related fact "I'm not leaving".

* * *

"Who's that?" Alicia asked referring to the person Kalinda calls for help on the case.  
"A friend," she answers. Alicia rolls her eyes, as if Kalinda would know the meaning of that word. Surely they've slept together too. She hates Kalinda and her games. Is that what that was? Was everything some game? Alicia brushes the thoughts from her mind. Kalinda doesn't deserve any space in it.

When Will volunteers to talk to Peter about the case Alicia warns him. Tells him they aren't doing well, when he consoles her with sympathy the hand he places on her arm sends shivers down her spine. The conversation ends with her saying "We will talk."

Kalinda goes to have no strings pleasure sex with another women, but when get reminded of her marital status, she calls it off out of guilt. She doesn't want to do that to someone else. She wishes she never did that to anyone. It didn't used to matter to her whether people were married or not, she wishes it still didn't. She wishes she could do anything really without thinking about Alicia. Alicia taints her every thought and action. What's worse is that Alicia doesn't care.

Will and Alicia meet for drinks. Alicia misses having a drinking buddy, which she made clear to her own mind doesn't mean she misses Kalinda per say. She wants to do anything anyone to make her forget about Kalinda and Peter. Just the thought nearly brings tears to her alcohol fogged eyes. Will says, "Always the good girls isn't it? The ones with the deep dark secrets."  
Alicia agrees "It's because we are catching up."  
They decide to take one hour for good timing and end up with the most expensive hotel room and it all seems fitting to Alicia considering how much Peter paid to have sex, but she quickly brushes that thought from her mind. Once that's decided the ride up the elevator feels like an eternity, so they start there. Alicia has to live in the moment, the past is too painful.

Fuck to forget.

* * *

Time goes on Kalinda and Alicia avoiding each other and it teeters on taking a toil on their work, so much so that even Diane picks up on the tension between them. "I don't know whats going on with you two, but make it better- whatever you have to do make it better." Kalinda smirks at the ground.  
When safely out of Diane's office and view Alicia tightly grabs Kalinda's arm turning her to face her; Alicia's touch taking Kalinda to another time. It's been so painful to be so close to Alicia yet so far. Working with Alicia kills her slowly. Their eyes lock and Kalinda sees all the pain and hurt and anger behind them. "Did you ever really care?" Alicia pleads not breaking eye contact. The question simple and straightforward.

"More than you'll ever know," Kalinda turns away as she pulls herself out of Alicia's grip- the last thing she wants to do.

Kalinda remembers when it wasn't so strained between them, when things flowed naturally- too naturally. Bar stools and Taquilla shots. Their hands brushing gently as they passed shots. Alicia trusting her with her life and troubles. Placing a hand on Alicia's exposed knee, slightly shocking Alicia as her stares move back and forth from Kalinda's hand to her eyes. Pleading with her- daring her even. But was she pleading for her to stop or continue? Even Alicia wasn't sure.

Will tells her "You need a friend,' and Kalinda knows it's true, having recently lost the only person she could really call a friend.

"Yeah, maybe we could go for beers and talk about how hot women are," Kalinda quips in response to Will's honesty, not wanting to keep things so serious and vulnerable. "I mean have you seen Diane lately?" Kalinda continues sardonically keeping all conversation away from Alicia. Will only smirks all too knowing of what Kalinda is doing.

"I might just have to take you up on that, K," Will replies as she walks out the door.

* * *

Sometimes Kalinda just watches Alicia debate from the back of the galley. She's so poised, so confident, so much better off without her.


End file.
